Tumbleweeds

A few weeks ago, on my way to Colorado for a mission trip, I was driving (riding, the rental company wouldn't let me drive) through either Texas, the Panhandle of Oklahoma, or the south east corner of Colorado. I don't really know which one because I was barely coherent at the time. That said, I WAS, however, coherent enough to see the tumbleweed blow across the road in front of our van, and then to start questioning the meaning of life as a result.

You're probably thinking I'm going to start writing about Ecclesiastes "Meaningless, Meaningless..." or quote the Kansas song "Dust in the Wind," but I'm not. Truth is, the question that came to my mind when I saw the tumbleweed was this "What is the purpose of a tumbleweed?"

You might be thinking, "THAT is a REALLY dumb question. EVERYONE knows tumbleweeds main goal in life is to blow around, get jammed in someone's axle and cause hundreds of dollars in repairs!" Give me a break, it was the middle of the night, and I had been in a van for at LEAST 8 hours, with little to no sleep the night before, not to mention, it turned out to be a very fruitful question.

During about the same time, I was wracking my brain, trying to find something to speak about at the devo we had planned for that night. I was pretty stressed about it too as the plan for the next day was to arrive in Windsor, have a quick breakfast, change into work clothes, work ALL DAY, shower, then go to the church building for the devo. AKA, I wasn't going to be able to sit down and plan out a long 3 point talk for that night. No worries though, way long ago when God created tumbleweeds, he must have know I was going to be thinking that right when the tumbleweed blew across the road in front of me. 

That's enough back story, I think. 

So here it is. The purpose of a tumbleweed. The moment you've all been waiting for. The BIG mystery FINALLY unveiled. This sentence is purely here to stall and frustrate you just a little longer.

THE PURPOSE OF A TUMBLEWEED IS TO DIE.

Yep. Contrary to what human logic dictates, the entire existence of the tumbleweed is looking forward to it's death. That's not really the whole story though, because for a tumbleweed, to die is the only way other tumbleweeds can live. (I bet you're starting to see where I'm going with this now)

Tumbleweeds are FILLED with tiny seeds, that can only be released when the plant is dead. Even further though, the design and structure of a tumbleweed's branches are, I guess, optimized for maximum wind resistance and to be able to roll. Thats cool to me because it speaks volumes to the fact that a tumbleweed is NOT supposed to be rooted and alive, that is CONTRARY to it's purpose, nature, and design. Here is a quote from the Wikipedia (I know... bad researching...) entry about tumbleweeds.

"The tumbleweed is a diaspore, aiding in dispersal of propagules (seeds or spores). It does this by scattering the propagules either as it tumbles, or after it has come to rest in a wet location. In the latter case, the tumbleweed opens mechanically as it absorbs water; apart from its propagules, the tumbleweed is dead."

The part I bolded really stands out in my mind, and JUST based on that, there are A MILLION directions I could go with this. But the parallel that most interests me right now, is how a tumbleweed must separate from it's root cluster, and DIE in order to spread it's seeds. 

Thats pretty cool to me. Not ONLY does the tumbleweed have to ACTUALLY leave it's roots, but it also has to die. Hopefully by now you understand that tumbleweeds DIE.

Tumbleweeds perfectly embody the sacrifice Christ made for ALL of us, and in turn, the sacrifice He calls ALL of us to make.

He died on the cross to give us ALL eternal life, just like tumbleweed dies to create more life. Tumbleweeds, don't die, roll around, and spread cactus seeds. The intention of the life provided by the death of the one tumbleweed was NEVER to create comfortable easy stationary lives for a bunch of other tumbleweeds. The purpose of the original tumbleweed's death is that the life will NEVER stop spreading. In the same way, Christ NEVER intended for our lives to be comfortable and stationary. He intended to give us life that we might GO and give life to all we encounter. Create REAL life everywhere we go, just like the tumbleweed creates life by dropping it's seeds everywhere it goes.

"And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again." -2 Corinthians 5:15

To an uneducated mind a tumbleweed is just death, symbolizes emptiness, lack of water, lack of life... The tumbleweeds role in movies is ALWAYS to symbolize desertion, emptiness and shriveled up dehydrated DEATH. 

But there is SO much more to the tumbleweed.

The life Christ calls us to live, like tumbleweeds, will seem foolish and empty from an earthly perspective, but if we choose to die to ourselves, we gain the life that Christ promised, which is better by far.

"For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel's will save it." -Mark 8:35

"I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." -Galatians 2:20

The ONLY way we can truly LIVE is if we DIE to ourselves and live in Christ. Plain and simple. You can't live for yourself AND for God at the same time, it's not possible. A tumbleweed can't stay put forever and still create life and fulfill it's purpose. God's purpose for us is to glorify him by putting ourselves last. Dying to give life.  "For we are GOD's workmanship, CREATED in Christ Jesus to DO  good works, which GOD prepared in advance for us to do." -Ephesians 2:10

So, like EVERYTHING else on that trip, when I was stressing about what I was going to do for the talk I had committed to give, God put the answer right in front of me, made my paths straight if you will.

DO stuff.

Moths and Windows

When I was at Blue Haven last week, I was living in the front corner of the barn.  The restrooms in the barn are at the back, so I had to walk through the barn to get to the bathroom, either that or up the hill to the boys shower room. So obviously I used the one it the barn more frequently. One night on my way back through the barn, I came to the window next to the front door and saw a large moth FRANTICALLY trying to fly through the window. Obviously he wasn’t making very much progress. It made me think of how futile our own plight against sin is. 


We are often exactly like that moth, we see freedom, and we want it so badly, yet we just continuosly get blocked by the clear glass pane that is our sin. The temptations that satan keeps placing in our way, which give the illusion of freedom, become the shackles of our slavery.  People, in their right minds, don’t generally leave a building through the window, yet we look through these windows that tempt us with glimpses of the outside world and think they are the way to freedom.

“To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, ‘If you hold to my teaching you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.’ They answered him, ‘We are Abraham’s descendants and have never been slaves of anyone. How can you say that we shall be set free? Jesus replied, ‘I tell you the truth, everyone who sins is a slave to sin.” -John 8:31-34

“The acts of the sinful nature are OBVIOUS: Sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you as I did before, that those who live like this will NOT inherit the kingdom.” -Galatians 5:19-21

We chase after relationships, money, drugs and alcohol, success, approval from our peers, and physical pleasure thinking that once we attain these things we will be free, that we will no longer be oppressed, but we just bounce right off the window EVERY time. Again and again we bounce off the window. We claim that humanity is more advanced than all of the bugs and the insects, yet we can't even find the door, we see the light through the window, like the moths, and just run right into it.


After probably 30 seconds of frantic pounding on different parts of the window by the moth, he stopped. The moth rested on the window sill and just sat. Obviously exhausted from its ill-conceived attempt at freeing itself.


Seeing that it would certainly not find freedom on its own, I decided that I should try and help it out the door. I went to pick it up and it frantically began flying again trying to get out the window, flying away from me, trying to give it freedom. After much difficulty and pursuit on my part, I finally caught the moth and was able to carefully put it outside, where it was meant to be free, and it flew away immediately.


God created us for freedom. NOT to be trapped forever by sin. When God made adam and eve, they were free to be in community with God and enjoy the world that he created for them. They were even free from being ashamed of their nakedness. When we become slaves to sin we are living outside of our created purpose. Not only this, but when God is CHASING US DOWN, trying to make us free, we tend to jump around and say "No! I'm so close, just let me try this one more thing!" Heres the deal though, God knows where the door is, and He knows that we will never make it to freedom through the window. We'll just beat ourselves to death against the glass. 


Ever see a pile of dead flies and moths at the base of a window? The pile of death left by our temptations and sins should be warning enough that it's not going to work, but just like the bugs we rush into the window time and time again. If we just let Him do His thing, God wants to take us out the door and to freedom!

 "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.." -Romans 3:23-24

“Therefore, just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, and in this way death came to all men, because all sinned-- for before the law was given, sin was in the world. But sin is not taken into account when there is no law. Nevertheless, death reigned from the time of Adam to the time of Moses, even over those who did not sin by breaking a command as did Adam, who was a pattern of the one to come. But the gift is not like the tresspass. For if the many died by the tresspass of the one man, how much more did God’s grace and the gift that came by the grace of the one man, Jesus Christ, overflow to the many! Again, the figt of God is not like the result of the one man’s sin: THe judgement followed one sin and brought condemnation, but the gift followed many trespasses and brought justification. For if, by the tresspass of the one man, death reigned through that one man, how much more will those who receive God’s abundant provision of grace and of the gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man, Jesus Christ. Consequently, just as the result of one tresspass was condemnation for all men, so also the result of one act of righteousness was justification that brings life for all men. For just as through the disobedience of the one man the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be made righteous. The law was added so that the trespass might increase. But where sin increased, grace increased all the more, so that, just as sin reigned in death, so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.” 

-Romans 5:12-21




Romans 6 addresses how we are to glorify God by living within the purpose for which he created us. 

“What shall we say then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? BY NO MEANS! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? Or don’t you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the father, we too may live a new life. IF we have been united with him like this in death, we will certainly also be united with him in his resurrection. For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin-- because anyone who has died has been freed from sin. Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. For we know that since Christ was raised from the dead, he CANNOT DIE AGAIN; death no longer has mastery over him. The death he died, he died to sin once for all, but the life he lives, he lives to God. In the SAME WAY, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; instruments of righteousness. For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace. What then? Shall we sin because we are not under law but under grace? By no means! Don’t you know that when you offer yourselves to someone to obey him as slaves, you are slaves to the one whom you obey —whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness? But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin,you wholeheartedly obeyed the form of teaching to which you were entrusted. You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness. I put this in human terms because you are weak in your natural selves. Just as you used to offer the parts of your body in slavery to impurity and to ever-increasing wickedness, so now offer them in slavery to righteousness leading to holiness. When you were slaves to sin, you were free from the control of righteousness. What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death! But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life. For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” -Romans 6:1-23

This week, we celebrated freedom as a country, but don’t forget that we are Citizens of the kingdom of God, we ought to celebrate OUR freedom every day, because Jesus died once to set us free for eternity. We celebrate this sacrifice and our freedom by being slaves to righteousness and by glorifying God with our words and actions EVERY DAY. God has made us to be FREE. NOT to be slaves to sin.


Oh here's the moth...

Bird Poop

On my study abroad trip last fall, we arrived in Australia in late november. Our first stop was Cairns, Queensland, which is the main launching point for many of Australia's Great Barrier Reef exploration tours.  Before we could actually go out to the reefs, we had to take "Reef Teach," the Australian reef education class. We learned TONS of cool stuff in this class, but I think the thing that stuck with me the most was what our teacher taught us about coral cays.

Coral cays are small islands initially formed when ocean currents deposit loose sediment either on dead coral or at a convergence of currents.  The problem is, that sand on it’s own just gets washed away each time there is a storm or a change in the currents, So how do we end up with so many coral cays when currents are changing all the time and storms come up almost daily?

The answer might disgust you, but I promise I’m going somewhere with this.

Birds of all types spend lots of time flying around the reef because there are TONS of fish for them to feast on. During the night, they fly back to land and nest in the trees and grass, but during the day, when they need to “take a break” they head over to the sand cays. Birds do not only eat fish, but they also eat berries, grasses, and other seeded plants, so what happens when the birds are “relieving themselves” on the cays? The seeds of the plants they’ve eaten recently are deposited on the cays. As a result of being pooped on, the cays grow grasses and plants whose roots hold them together through the storms. I can guarantee you that if cays could talk, they would be saying something like “Seriously? I just got pooped on by like fifty birds! This is the worst day ever!” But if it weren’t for the birds, they would have no hope of weathering the storms that come their way.

“Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy.For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.” James 1:2-4 (NLT)

How often do I look at the bad things that happen to me on a daily basis and use it as an opportunity for anger or frustration rather than joy? How often do I miss all of the blessings the LORD sends me daily because I’m focused on the few negatives? How often do I come to the end of a terrible storm in my life only to forget the trials God blessed me with to give me the roots to weather the storms?

Psalm 130 exemplifies the kind of attitude that I want to learn to have, and the mindset that I need.

“Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord;
    O Lord, hear my voice. 
Let your ears be attentive 
    to my cry for mercy.
If you, O Lord, kept a record of sins,
    O Lord, who could stand? 
But with you there is forgiveness; 
    therefore you are feared.
I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, 
    and in his word I put my hope.
My soul waits for the Lord
    more than watchmen wait for the morning,
    more than watchmen wait for the morning.
O Israel, put your hope in the Lord,
    for with the Lord is unfailing love 
    and with him is full redemption. 
He himself will redeem Israel
    from all their sins.”

I pray that God will let me always remember his mercy and forgiveness, and that he would make me put my hope in him and let him build up my roots.

Short and Sweet

Sometimes (almost every time) I get carried away writing on here, too bad that doesn't ever happen when I'm writing papers for school... Anyways, I just wanted to briefly hit on some thoughts I've had over the last 24 hours or so.

Several months ago now, I was living with a family in Japan. I was sort of just thrust into their daily routine.  On one of the first nights, we were sitting in the living room after dinner watching TV, and Die Hard was on.  I did not speak a word of Japanese at the time, but I sat and watched and listened as the Moriyama family discussed the plot lines of all 4 die hard movies, complete with pantomimes and onomatopoeia.  I understood exactly what they were saying to each other even though it was in a foreign language and they weren't necessarily directing their comments towards me. This highlighted two things that I have been taught my whole life; 1. People are always watching you, 2. It is possible to communicate certain things effectively even with a massive language barrier.

First, people are always watching you. My parents have been telling me this for AGES. People around you pay attention to the things you say and do, whether or not you want them to. This means that if you aren't 100% authentic at ALL TIMES, people are going to notice. I want to live in a way that is 100% authentic, all the time.

Second, Language is one of the least important factors in communication.  Don't be mistaken, this is not my attempt to say "Preach the Gospel at all times, if necessary use words." Not at all. This is me expressing that I never want to let a language barrier get in the way of communicating God's story of redemption to those around me.

Moral of the story, I'm working to get to a point in my life where A) I don't have to be conscious of people watching me because I know that God reigns supreme in all I do. And B) I stop making lame excuses for not sharing the gospel with people like "They speak Japanese and I don't."

I guess that was more like medium length... my bad....

Fear

There are not a lot of things that scare me. The short list of things that do includes hiding siblings, riptides, people from central Florida, youth group kids sneaking up on me, and apparently storms.

Earlier today I was leaving Walmart after getting supplies for the LDCoC lock in this weekend. I was thoroughly enjoying the torrential downpour and all of the massive puddles it produced for me to drive through, but then a traffic light pole next to me got hit by lightning and I nearly wet myself (sorry if that grosses you out).  I can remember pretty much exactly what I was thinking at that moment, it went something like "I'M GONNA DIE! GOD IS SCARY! MY EAR HURTS!" Yeah, I think that about covers it. I'm still shivering from the fear (not really I just got soaked and now I'm sitting in Starbucks drinking iced coffee and being frozen out by the arctic air conditioning that Texans deem necessary.)

I honestly don't know that I've reflexively thought about how fearsome God is at any other point in my life, but it got me thinking.  Why haven't I ever really acknowledged the scariness of God before? Why is my first reaction when scary things happen to worship my Creator who is powerful and fearsome?

A fairly blatant example of my failure to praise God for his fearsome power came in December at the end of my Pac Rim trip. I was in Hawaii on one of the coolest beaches ever with some great friends doing some body surfing (and generally being unwise).  The first signs of God's power came each time I slightly mistimed my jump on a big wave and my body was SLAMMED into the sand and then twisted around by the force of the waves.  It hurt like crazy, but made me feel pretty alive at the same time.  Then the real fear moment came when I thought "I'll just go out a little further and catch the bigger waves." That was a bad idea. About 10 feet further out I could no longer touch the bottom and upon looking back at shore I realized I was moving out and south at a VERY alarming rate. Pretty soon I was out past the boldest of the surfers DESPERATELY trying to swim my way back in to the beach. Oh I should mention that this beach was probably only about 300 feet wide, surrounded by sharp volcanic cliffs, and I had started at about the middle.  The amplitude of the swells at this point had to be at least 12 feet from peak to trough, and between each all I could see was water. I was too far out to yell at anyone on the beach, and none of the surfers could see that I was in trouble, so I just kept swimming and trying to ride the waves and surf them back in, or at least north up the beach.  After what had to have been 5 minutes of exhausting, water-gulping, leg cramping kicking and swimming, I was back in water that was shallow enough for me to jump off the sand and keep my head above water. After that I basically crawled back onto the sand and sat for a while thinking "Man, I'm lucky."

There I was in the midst of the most obvious display of God's power I had ever felt and I completely missed it. Sure while I was on the beach before I started I acknowledged God's beautiful creation in the blue water, white sand, and black cliffs surrounding me, but when could physically FEEL God's power I failed to acknowledge and praise him for it. More importantly I failed to thank Him for saving me from my own foolishness and instead chalked it up to luck.

I think that my failure to acknowledge is a direct result of my failure to comprehend. Each of these two isolated events has been but a small physical and visual display of God's power, yet somehow I can't seem to be constantly aware of ALL of the things that show God's glory and power.  I'm envious of the attitude shown in many of the Psalms, acknowledging God's ultimate power, for example, Psalm 93;

The Lord reigns, he is robed in majesty; 

    the Lord is robed in majesty and armed with strength;
    indeed, the world is established, firm and secure.
Your throne was established long ago;    you are from all eternity.
    the seas have lifted up their voice; 
    the seas have lifted up their pounding waves. 
Mightier than the thunder of the great waters,
    mightier than the breakers of the sea—
    the Lord on high is mighty.
    holiness adorns your house 
    for endless days.

The seas have lifted up, Lord,

Your statutes, Lord, stand firm;

Psalm 93 vividly depicts God's power, but included in his power is his love for us, as illustrated in Psalm 46;

God is our refuge and strength, 
    an ever-present help in trouble. 
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way 
    and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, 
though its waters roar and foam 
    and the mountains quake with their surging.

There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, 
    the holy place where the Most High dwells. 
God is within her, she will not fall; 
    God will help her at break of day.
Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
    he lifts his voice, the earth melts.

The Lord Almighty is with us; 
    the God of Jacob is our fortress.

Come and see what the Lord has done, 
    the desolation he has brought on the earth.
He makes wars cease
    to the ends of the earth.
He breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
    he burns the shields with fire. 
He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; 
    I will be exalted among the nations,
    I will be exalted in the earth.”

The Lord Almighty is with us;
    the God of Jacob is our fortress.

In light of God's scary displays of power in my life, I'm thankful that the "LORD almighty is with us."  I'm going to start making an effort to remember God when I feel the power of his creation, and to thank him first when I miraculously live through ridiculous situations I put myself in...

Assumptions

Looks like this is becoming more of a monthly thing... Maybe once I get settled in for the summer I will start writing more often. Who knows.

Anyway.

I've been on band tour for seven days now, and I'm sitting in my hotel room in Orlando, Florida. No, I will not be going to Disney World, apparently you can only experience the happiness and magic if you are willing to shell out $90.53.  But I'm still excited to see the Epcot center on the horizon and possibly wrestle a 'Gator if the situation arises. 

Up until tonight on the tour, we have stayed with a different host family each night.  All being families that I did not know before, excluding Tuesday night when I had the great fortune to be able to stay with some of my favorite people, Wes and Cristal Kohring.  There have been extremely wealthy families, families who may have spent their last dimes to feed us, families still rebuilding from hurricanes and other tragedies... 

All this is to say that I have met a lot of different people on this trip.

Without fail, every time I meet my new host family, I start thinking of what their house must look at, whether they have pets, if they have unsecured wireless access, and so on and so forth. Most of the time that's what I am thinking about on the drive to their house. Most of the time, my imaginations, and assumptions are way off.  I have started to realize that the reason for this is that I make assumptions based on my life, the houses I've been in, and the people I know.  I'm in a COMPLETELY different culture from the one I call home, yet I still expect the same stereotypes to be true.

For example, one family drove me home in their $500, 200,000 mile 90's Jeep grand Cherokee, so naturally, I assumed that they would live in a small house where they were barely scraping by. Turned out they lived in a fairly large house, with one of the biggest kitchens I've ever seen, a covered pool, tons of land, a bunch of Off-Highway vehicles, and plenty of food for us to eat.  They also asked me if I was afraid of dogs, so naturally I assumed they had a Rottweiler or a Pit Bull because in my past experiences, those have been the dogs that scared me the most.  In reality however, they had the most docile mix of a Great Dane and a Great Pyrenees, he just happened to be the size of a small rhinoceros.

What I am trying to say is that making assumptions about things is generally a foolish practice, especially if you're in a somewhat foreign place.  While it is smart to think ahead and try to plan for possible future scenarios, deciding to understand something before you've experienced it is folly.

It's the same in our churches. I can't count how many times someone has heard that I attend and even work for a Church of Christ and instantly goes either into attack mode or starts asking questions about doctrinal differences.  Its the same on my end though as well, I have often let the things I have heard or thought about other churches supersede my willingness to converse with another who claims to follow Christ.  While there are many differences between churches, some that each considers irreconcilable with each other, it is not fair, wise, or Godly to make assumptions about people based on the words on the sign at the building where they worship.  I think often times I get caught up in the "Jerusalem only" mentality, thinking that most churches aside from the one I attend are unacceptable practices, but then I have to think back to Jesus' words to the Samaritan woman at the well;

“Believe me, a time is coming when you will worship the Father neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem. You Samaritans worship what you do not know; we worship what we do know, for salvation is from the Jews. Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in the Spirit and in truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth.” -John 4:21-24


I pray that God will make me one who worships him in spirit and in truth and rejoices in others who do the same.

Broken Strings

Two out of the three instruments in my apartment right now have at least one broken string, all three of these strings broke since the last time I posted here. It's really frustrating because I go to play a note on one of those strings, and it's not there.  I can't even play some of the chords I want because I'm missing an entire string. This has made me think of two things; first, when there is something missing, even the smallest string, it throws everything else off, second, the problem will not fix itself if I don't do something about it (duh).

So the first point; even one missing string messes up the entire instrument. One broken string makes the instrument unfamiliar and basically unplayable.  Likewise if there is even a tiny thing in my life that is broken, infected with sin, festering with wickedness, my whole being will cease to function as it should.  Every good action will seem foreign and insincere, I'll never be able to be completely in-tune with God.

I'm not talking about little things that just get me sometimes, not things that I just mess up on every once in a while, but things that are true parasites and infections in my life.  Things that sometimes I don't even realize are recurring issues. Sometimes these things can eat away at just me, or can cause erosion in my relationship with God and with others. I don't know exactly what they all are but I know they are there.

This brings me to my next point.  The ukulele and the mandolin are never going to sound the same until I get my act together and replace the strings (Sure, part of the problem is that I am a poor college student with no money to replace strings).  The Ukulele will NEVER spontaneously grow back the G string and the Mandolin isn't going to manufacture two brand new E strings for itself. That just doesn't happen. The only way these instruments will be like new is if I take the time to A) go find strings, B) restring the instruments, and C) re-tune all of the strings.  Similarly problems that fester beneath the surface in my life will never be rectified unless I make the effort to A) go find what I need to be made new, B) remove the old rotten parts of myself, and C) bring the rest of my body back into tune with the new stuff.  Seems pretty simple.

Now I've got to go finish self-evaluating so I can figure out what else needs fixing aside from a few things that have been made very clear to me lately!

Oh, I'll also try to post more frequently again... Just got busy...

Love

Bet you thought I was going to write about love, didn't you? Gotcha, I set up your expectations and then crushed them (or maybe relieved them).  Expectations are some of the easiest feelings to create; for example, I can say "At some point in this blog post, you will have an opportunity to earn $1 (I'm broke, Australia took all my money)" and you WILL expect that to be true.  Whether or not I follow through on that is entirely up to me, but whether or not you believe I will follow through, I have created expectations to some degree.

Even a few snowflakes sets expectations in my mind that can be very hard to break.  A few nights ago it snowed here in Oklahoma, and to me that instantly switches my mind into snow day preparation mode (Aka stay up late with friends).  Imagine my disdain and surprise when it turned out that Oklahoma had toughened up since I'd last been here and 1" of snow was no longer enough to cancel school...

Anyways, I think the concept of expectations has been clearly illustrated.  What I've been thinking about lately though is how dangerous expectations can be, but how necessary they are to life.  If we never expect anything to happen, we will never be prepared for anything, but at the same time, if we put too much stock in our expectations, we'll all end up like me on Monday morning; tired and disappointed.  If I have learned anything about the way God works in my life it's that if I expect him to move in a certain way, he won't, but then almost the exact INSTANT I stop trusting in my expectations, He does what I thought he was going to.  That is definitely not universally applicable, it's not like every time I expect anything to happen God throws me a curve ball, I guess just when I assume I know what's going on.

Sort of in relation to my last post, I think the reason it always seems that God brings the blessings when I least expect them is because of his perspective.  The time is probably never right when what I want is for God to give me something instead of JUST God.  I'll rephrase that.  When God sees that something has taken his place as the object of my desire, or the goal I'm working towards, He never lets me have it.  At least that's what I think.  It's always when I give up trying or move on to something else that He gives me what I thought was so important as if to remind me of his importance and what place he should take in my life.

The first person to tell me how old I was when I first watched the Colorado Rockies play gets $1 (unless you're my parents).

So in conclusion (been writing lots of papers lately) what I have realized is that even THOUGHTS war against God for the throne of my heart.  Expectations can become so big that they consume me and I don't leave enough room for God when I SHOULD be taking all of these things I'm hoping or waiting for and giving them to Him.... I'm not very good at that though, I tend to take something that I think God wants me to pursue and let it replace Him, let it take my attention away from him.  It might be a good thing, it might be a neutral thing, but all things that I allow to replace God are nothing but dead weight to me.

That said, it's a GREAT feeling when after letting go of things thought necessary and holding on to God, he eventually gives you some of the things you wanted to begin with...

Hope that made sense... Kind of a stream of consciousness tonight...

West Isn't West to Everybody...

...Actually, yes it is, but not everything is the same to every person or even to the same person at a different place or time.

Perspective is extremely important, that's what has been on my mind for about the last 25 minutes.  At Abilene Christian University, there is a statue called "Jacob's Ladder" and perspective is really important with it.  There are a bunch of hidden cross shapes created by the negative space left by a bunch of seemingly randomly placed stones.  If the viewer isn't standing at exactly the right place, the cross isn't visible and all that can be seen is a jumbled mess of rocks.  Just as it is in art, perspective is unbelievably important in life; if we aren't in the right place, we can often completely miss what God is trying to show us.

Perspective can be gained and changed in many different ways.  Travel often alters and expands our perspective, experiences, relationships, and conversations can all change perspective, even an encounter not longer than a few seconds can change perspective.  These can all be effective perspective changers, but I think the single most consistently effective perspective changer is time.  Of course, all of these other things fit inside of time, but sometimes perspective won't expand or change until a while after a particular encounter.

Right now is the point in my blog where I feel like I have typed a lot of words without really getting anywhere. So here it is; things that were once seemingly the end of the world, can be seen as the biggest blessings of our lives, IF we allow God to change and mold our perspectives.  What if the curse becoming a blessing is not only applicable in SOME things but in ALL things? What if every thing that I have ever perceived as a "bad" experience has really been a blessing?  I think if I were to "Count my many blessings" and "Name them one by one,"  people might think I was missing the point of the assignment when I started naming off fights I had lost, mistakes I had made, and bridges that had been burned.  Truth is, I think negative experiences and mistakes I've made that God has allowed me to live through are often greater blessings than some of the unwarranted positives of my life.  Here's how perspective fits into it; mistakes and other bad things foster growth in perspective, and perspective illuminates the positives that have come from the negatives.

God holds the ultimate point of perspective as He sees all time at once and knows all that has been and all that will be.  I believe this is exactly what Paul meant when he wrote this to the Romans; "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."  EVERY SINGLE THING that has EVER HAPPENED to me is being worked by the CREATOR OF ALL THINGS for MY GOOD.   That is one powerful concept. It's also a concept that has been right in front of my face lately, even literally, like someone held "Romans 8:28" RIGHT in front of my face last week.

Now I understand what it means.  It doesn't mean at ALL that everything that ever happens to me will be good, not even close.  What it means is that God knows what he is doing and that even the things that seem so inescapably wrong and bad are probably happening so that God can bring us through to a better place.  This is pretty massively outlined by the Israelite's trek from Egypt to Canaan and out of slavery. There were few of them who did not complain and wish to go back to how things were before in Egypt as slaves, but God brought them through the wilderness to the promised land.  God did not want them to dwell on the past and what might have happened if they hadn't left Egypt, He wanted to show them that even though it might seem rough in the journey, He always has something better in mind.

So basically what I'm trying to say is this; if things seem wrong or off, or if you feel deserted by God, remember that God works ALL things for the good of those who love him.  He doesn't make all good things happen to those who love him, but he makes ALL THINGS GOOD for those who love him.

All I can do is keep chasing him and pray that more negatives from my past will turn up positive just like they did tonight.

And I realize the title of this post won't make sense to 95% of you... deal with it.

Decisions, Decisions....

Making decisions is one of my least favorite things to do in the world. Here's why; I am NEVER satisfied that the choice I made was the BEST choice.  I always run through all the various hypotheticals for things that could have been better, or situations that would have resulted from a different choice, I also tend to look at the future outcomes of choices made with a slightly more negative outlook than is probably healthy. Right now I am examining why it is that I struggle so much to be at peace with the paths I take and the choices I make and the conclusion I have drawn is this; I am never going to make the right choice.

Making the right choice is absolutely impossible, this is because there is no right choice.  Sure on matters like choosing whether or not to shoot a puppy, there is a right choice (don't shoot it), but how often does someone hold a puppy in front of me and ask me to decide whether or not to shoot it?  In real life decisions, there are literally HUNDREDS of different choices that could be made at any given time, some of them are right-ish, some of them are wrong-ish.  So I guess you could say that there are several right choices for each decision to be made, but more often there are just a bunch of right answers, and some are better for different purposes.  For example;  If I have the simple choice between going to the gym and running and playing Mario Kart, neither of those two options are bad or wrong.  If I need to get in better shape (which I do) going to the gym would be the best choice, but if I am competing in a Mario Kart tournament next week whose outcome determines the fate of a herd of baby seals, then that would definitely be the better choice.

Of course that is a ridiculous example, but the point is that different situations, different stakes, and even different attitudes make different choices more or less right in any given situation.  Where am I going with this? Here; "Unless Yahweh builds the house, it's builders labor in vain. Unless Yahweh watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain." -Psalm 127:1.  If God is not the focal point of any decision, the decision cannot ultimately be right, and if God watches over the choices we make, we will not go wrong. Psalm 121 depicts a man's struggle to conquer the mountain of obstacles in front of him, he looks up and sees the mountain ahead of him knowing his goal is the peak and says this;

"I lift up my eyes to the hills- where does my help come from? My help comes from Yahweh, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip- he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. Yahweh watches over you- Yahweh is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.  Yahweh will keep you from all harm- he will watch over your life; Yahweh will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore."

If we put our trust and hope in God, he will uphold our decisions.  Just like there are a million different rocks on which to put your feet when climbing a mountain, there are hundreds of choices we have to make in our pursuit of God and he WILL NOT let your foot slip.  As long as we are focusing on the peak and on serving God in all we do when making decisions, God will lead us to him through the choices we make.

I'm not saying that it is impossible to make a wrong decision as a christian, I'm simply saying that if we truly let God have control and follow his voice, the choices we make, even the ones we second guess will work towards his glory in the end if we continue to seek Him.

Sidewalks

How do sidewalks get there? Sounds like a dumb question......... because it is.  Sidewalks are built by people.  Why do people build sidewalks, paths and other roads? Because they want to get somewhere, more specifically because they go somewhere often and want the trip to be easier. Before roads, paths, and sidewalks, there were a lot of things to trip on, so people (intentionally, and unintentionally) made paths to get to the places they wanted to be.  There are essentially two types of paths; purposefully built ones and naturally made ones. Both of these present some pretty awesome metaphors.

First, we have paths that were intentionally created.  I use and see them EVERY day, without fail. I don't think I have ever been in a place where there was not an intentionally made path within eyesight. These paths always lead somewhere, even ones that seem to go nowhere, no one builds a path for the sake of building a path.  There is a sidewalk at OC that ends in a staircase to an open field, it is commonly referred to as the staircase to nowhere, and it seems that it leads... well.. nowhere.  In reality though, this sidewalk was also built with a purpose; the field it runs into was once used as an airstrip for the president's personal airplane.  The point here is that every path built by humans was built for the purpose of traveling to the places we visit often. People don't build highways to the middle of a desert, they build them to places they want to go.

This is the premise for the second type of path; the routes we travel often develop paths whether we intended to build them or not.  These types of paths show up pretty quickly in snow, mud, sand, dirt... That's pretty much all the description necessary for unintentional paths.

Here's why I'm writing about paths; they apply. This is how they apply; In my life, it is easy for me to identify the things that I do over and over again and the places I find myself time and time again.   There are trails sidewalks and highways all over the place, some leading to the things I need in my life, some leading to things that only hold me back.  There are trails that I am ashamed of, leading to places I do not want to go but I find myself visiting all too often.  These trails and paths represent the people I interact with, the ways I treat others, the words I use, the ways I choose to spend my time and much more.

There's a little bit more to this metaphor though, the other part has to do with the paths I choose to take.  I can choose to take the paths I built with my own strength, or I can choose to follow the path my Creator intended for me to follow. Not only follow that path, but quit building my own paths all together, I know I follow His path at least some of the time, but I need to cut out all of the other paths that split off and go somewhere else.  Once again though, it doesn't end with just walking on God's path.  If a man walks along a path he built himself, he will never fall because he knows the path, but he will also never arrive anywhere better than where he was. If a man follows God's path, he will stumble, but if the man walks with God on God's path, he will never be left to stumble long.

I not only need to stay on the path I didn't make, but I also need to trust God to guide me along the path and set my pace.

Spiritually Sore?

I was thinking today about how ridiculously sore I am in comparison to the tiny amount of exercise I did yesterday.  As with most things in my life, I eventually drifted into the comparison between my spiritual life and my physical life.  The questions I have been struggling with is this; what can I do to work out spiritually to the point of being spiritually sore, and secondly, is it possible to be spiritually sore?  This is probably a ridiculous thought, but then again, so are 96.3% of the other thoughts that cross my mind

I'm interested in this concept because I have felt similar effects from spiritual experiences as from physical and mental ones, so why can't these be paralleled?  I wonder what it feels like to feel spiritually sore, and what it takes to get there? Is it a good thing or is it a bad thing?  If I can become physically sore so easily, why is it that I don't become spiritually sore as often?

The reason I am so sore today is that I worked out with a friend and we pushed each other the whole time.  Usually I work out by myself and don't end up feeling like my entire body will freeze up like the tin man at any given point.  Working out with Patrick gave me someone to struggle with, compete with, support, and be supported by.  We kept each other going even when we both wanted to quit. It is perfectly natural and normal to grow and gain muscle without ever feeling super sore, but when we push ourselves physically, we grow much faster.

I have decided that this is exactly why I have not experienced much spiritual soreness. I don't push myself very often, I have experienced growth with little effort before, and so I haven't had much of a reason to push myself.  Until now.  I'm convinced that if pushing myself physically to the point of exhaustion and soreness, putting forth similar efforts in pursuit of God will do the same.  Now I just need to figure out how to spiritually "work out."

I think a really important part of the parallel here is having someone to work with.  Sure it is possible to grow spiritually without outside influences other than God, but we will never reach our full spiritual potential if we don't allow ourselves to be pushed and supported by fellow believers.

I'm really intrigued to discover spiritual soreness and hopefully the exponential growth that I expect will come with it.

Communication is a good thing....

...and too much of this particular good thing is definitely a bad thing.

I spent all of last semester out of cell service and without a laptop, often going a week or so without reading the news, checking facebook, sending a text, or reading an email.  To those who have done month long facebook fasts, this probably seems like nothing, but I guarantee you, until you've been forced to limit your communication to face to face, you haven't experienced life unplugged.  Part of what I loved so much about the trip was that the focus was almost ENTIRELY on my own thoughts and on my relationship with God, at least for me.

Being in a culture where you can't understand the TV shows, you can't text your buddies, and you can't really even communicate with anyone really stimulates growth. With instant wi-fi connections, a 3G iPhone 4 with tons of games on it, and television I can understand, it's difficult to have the self discipline to pursue God.  When I was away, not only were my eyes opened to seeing God wherever I was, but I also had few distractions to pull me away from Him.

I still had my phone, but there was no service, TV still existed, but I didn't understand it (even some of the stuff in New Zealand and Australia didn't make sense).  None of these things were as big of distractions because it took a lot more effort to A) Find wi-fi, B) figure out how to connect in a weird language C) figure out if it was a reasonable time to call or message anyone, and D) spend fifteen minutes struggling with weak signals and dropped calls.  All I had to do to grow closer to God was send up a prayer, open my Bible, or even just talk with one of the many great christian friends I made on the trip.  I had no option but to share my burdens with my closest friends, and I had every opportunity to be refined spiritually.

This is why I am currently really frustrated with cell service, wi-fi, the internet, facebook, twitter, TV, even my car.  All of these things are individually good in my life; I call my friends and family with my phone, I keep in touch with friends via the internet, I make people laugh (usually) on twitter, and I can use my car to go places.  However, after spending about 5 minutes in a near-berserk state searching my apartment for my phone, I came to the conclusion that these awesome conveniences are taking over my life.  I got frustrated that I almost lost my head because I had gone 5 minutes without checking emails, facebook, texts, phone calls (part of my head-losing was because it had JUST been in my hand).

All of these things are COMPLETELY unnecessary to my life. That's right. COMPLETELY. I would NOT die if I never had any of those luxuries again, I do not NEED any of them, even more frustrating, almost NOTHING I ever said or will say matters. Wall posts don't matter, text messages don't matter, whether or not I watched all six seasons of lost (I did, by the way) DOES NOT MATTER.

Here's why; I am going to die at some point, that is a fact, and the only thing that will matter when that happens is whether or not I chased after God with every ounce of energy.  No matter how much I try to justify it in my mind, 98% of the posts I write, messages I send and calls I make have next to no eternal value.  The fact that these things hold me back from pursuing my Lord really frustrates me at times.  I need to learn to be more disciplined with my use of these things (I feel weird blogging about this topic because blogging is part of the problem...).

I honestly would rather not ever have to have a phone, a computer, a TV or any of these things, no matter how convenient they may be, they really don't do anything positive to bring me closer to God very often.

Repeat

Sometimes it seems like the same exact things happen over and over again in life.  This frustrates me.  Mostly because I tend to expect that the outcome will be different when a familiar situation arises, but that rarely happens.  Some of these things shouldn't frustrate me because they are my own fault, and that is another story all together, but I tend to struggle with the ones I couldn't have changed anything about.

God is good, there's no doubt about that in my mind, and to complain from my circumstances would be insane.  Where this leaves me though is just questioning, I have a great desire to understand everything.  I want to understand things that I know I never will.  Specifically I want to understand how it is that some people (Probably guilty of this myself at times) can treat other people so absolutely terribly and then expect no scarring.  I haven't really had any landmark tragedies in my life, and I am grateful for that, but over the past few months I have experienced a whole lot of betrayal, and I am still trying to figure out how to deal with that.  David writes in Psalm 51:12-14;

"If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it; if a foe were raising himself against me, I could hide from him.  But it is you, a man like myself, my companion, my close friend, with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship as we walked with the throng at the house of God."

So I guess my struggle isn't with God for letting it happen, but with people for being okay with it, and being callous about the destruction their actions cause.  How is it that one who claimed to be a friend can justify taking something from me and try to blame me? Why is it that I am the one left dealing with the negative effects of someone else's sin while they seem to be living carefree and easy? Any offense against me would be easy to move on from if it were accompanied with remorse, but blatant and brazen betrayal just hurts.  This story told by the prophet Nathan probably describes the way I feel best; 

"And the LORD sent Nathan to David. He came to him and said to him, “There were two men in a certain city, the one rich and the other poor.  The rich man had very many flocks and herds, but the poor man had nothing but one little ewe lamb, which he had bought. And he brought it up, and it grew up with him and with his children. It used to eat of his morsel and drink from his cup and lie in his arms, and it was like a daughter to him.  Now there came a traveler to the rich man, and he was unwilling to take one of his own flock or herd to prepare for the guest who had come to him, but he took the poor man's lamb and prepared it for the man who had come to him." -2 Samuel 12:1-4

Here's the problem; I KNOW I'm not guiltless in this. If I apply this story to my life I have to admit that I have been both characters at different times.  It was never someone I'd call my friend when I was the one doing the taking, and I didn't take the same thing that was taken from me, but it was just as bad.  I have faced betrayal in different ways all my life, so why is this one more difficult to move past? I think it is because I had never thought about it from so many different angles, and it had always been easily escapable before.  

My thoughts are torn between guilt and hurt, guilt for all of the people in the past from whom I have taken things, and pain from the constant reminders of recent events.  My memory is generally impeccable, which can be a blessing in some situations, but definitely seems to show up as a curse fairly often as well.  This means that when I was betrayed, the first thoughts that flooded to mind were of times in my past when I had treated a friend like an enemy or when I had gone behind someones back to undermine them.  Thats why it hurts so much. Because it revealed to me the way I may have hurt people in doing things that didn't seem like a big deal to me.

I stated earlier that God is good, and there has still never been a doubt in my mind about this.  I can tell I'm growing because this time instead of hating God because he let something difficult happen to me, I can praise him for showing me the evil I myself have been guilty of and giving me a taste of what it feels like.  I can thank Him for giving me an experience that forces me to double think all of my actions to ensure that what I'm doing isn't hurting my brothers and sisters.  I can thank Him for showing me that I have no business living my life to please myself without a thought for how others feel. 

This post got way off topic from what I intended to write when I started, but the original idea was just going to be complaining that XX's are crazy, and I think what I ended up writing was a lot more meaningful anyways, more proof that God is good.

I'm glad He's in control and not me; my foresight doesn't even come CLOSE to His knowledge.

Tuning

I started blogging cause I liked the idea and it seemed cool and stuff, but now I don't know what to write about. Since I know having a blog is useless unless you blog, I had to come up with something to write about.  Other than the fact that my day seemed to last an eternity, the only thing interesting I can think about is this new tuning I used on my guitar.  For anyone who doesn't know me, I am really terrible at guitar, but I like the way it sounds and I like pretending I know how to play it (not a poser, but close).

Anyways, I really like this new tuning because it sounds good pretty much regardless of anything I do, I can strum open strings, sounds great, use one fret on one string, still sounds great, randomly press down frets and strings? STILL sounds great.  Basically this tuning makes it super easy to sound great, the downfall however is that the variety of playable chords is severely limited (doesn't really affect me because I only play like 2 chords anyways).  Another thing I like about it is that it is relatively easy to tune to it and then back to regular tuning, which makes me feel like a pro. Like many simple things, this tuning concept got me thinking about it's applications in life.  Using a tuning like DADGAD may make a beginner sound like a professional, but only in a very limited sense, it's basically a short cut.  In life, often times taking short cuts and looking for the easiest way to be great with little to no effort leaves us in a very limited place.  There are some options that seem right when they are presented simply because they will simplify life or get us where we think we want to be faster.  Often times these end up limiting what we can do in life, especially for God.  I find myself going back and forth on whether or not a choice I am about to make is right because I don't think I can always trust myself.  I think a lot of times my reasoning is overpowered by the obvious easy (while generally flawed) option and jump onto that for a while only to realize it doesn't go anywhere; there's no room for growth.  Playing guitar with DADGAD tuning can make me sound great with very little effort, but it severely cripples the variety of music I can make and limits me to the same 4 or 5 chords, whereas regular tuning takes more work but has a lot more possibilities.  I tend to lean towards the easy and quick options in life instead of working and being patient to reach the more rewarding result.

In other news, it's LITERALLY raining cats and dogs outside (not literally) and I am going to bed.

The Room

Over the past week or so, one particular image has been bouncing around in my head. This idea originated at a recital I went to in which I drifted off for a moment and in my daze of course decided to become a poet (I've had a dream of publishing a self-mocking poem for several years now). For some reason all I could think about was a room, a room with four walls, four doors and windows on either side of each door, everything in the room was white. Outside the windows in each direction is the rest of the world, and what I see is big cities, green hillsides, rocky mountains, unending oceans and all other sorts of natural and manmade things, intriguing and inviting landscapes. At first I just thought it could be a comic way of depicting the frustrations of decision making, but the more I thought of it the more I realized it really does a better job of illustrating my life than any other image that comes to mind.

People use the expression "Whenever God closes a door, he opens a window" to describe pretty much every situation, and however true that may be, I think it is more true to say that "Whenever God closes a door, He'll open it again when you're ready in His eyes." I spend a whole lot of time looking out the windows and seeing what looks to BE the Adventure of a lifetime, but realizing that what I see is not even a fraction of what He KNOWS . Sometimes I'll see an open door from across the room and run full-forced at it only to have it Close before I'm halfway there. Of course, being the stubborn man  that I am, a closed door does not always stop me from trying to get out of it. More often than not, I run headlong into a solidly shut door and only get a load of embarrassment and a massive headache to show for it. The open door always promises good things, but never fulfills. The image that kept running through my head was of me frantically running from door to door in my cubic room getting shut out (or in) at every single one.

Before I go on, I should address this fact; NO ONE WANTS TO READ ABOUT A GUY WHO'S TRAPPED IN A ROOM. At least not if theres nothing else interesting in said room, and there definitely is not And that's the reason for the title of this blog. From this point on in my life, I'm leaving the room. I'm not trying to leave through a door that opens and closes at random times anymore, rather I'm asking God to lead me out of this room. I'm coming to the realization that God does not close doors just for the sake of closing doors, God is just waiting for me to trust fully in Him. Before, I thought that once I got myself out of the room He would show me his power, now I realize that his power becomes apparent when I let Him lead me into his kingdom.

What I intend to write about for whoever wants to read is my adventure with God. Adventure because that's exactly what it is and also partially because that has been my favorite word / subject since I was four. I realize I probably should have started writing about these things a while ago before I left for the journey of a lifetime and as my friends put it "Traipsed around Asia for three months," but this is how I do things, and I guarantee you not one of the adventures I had in the . last four months was bigger than any of the ones that I'm about to have The word adventure to me inherently involves risk; there is no adventure if there is no risk involved, you can not sit inside a room and have an adventure at the same time * PLAYING ZELDA IS AN EXCEPTION *. Adventure is about facing the things you fear the most, fighting the giants and trusting God even if past experience advises hiding in a hole. Adventure is about taking leaps and stepping out on faith regardless of apparent consequences or past experiences, when God says go, I intend to go. And that's what got me out of The Room, God said go and I went and He is leading me. Now words can not even describe my excitement for every moment of this adventure that God is leading me on. I know that like all good stories this adventure is going to have plenty of ups and downs and I am GOING to have a lot of times where it seems more like a death march than an adventure. I 'm going to follow paths that seem to be right but will end up wrong, I'm going to fall down a few times, I'm probably going to get distracted by earthly pursuits a whole lot. The story in the end will show , The Room is behind me and God is before me.

I'm not going back to how things were.